Focused On Love

Last night I saw a movie that reminded me of my dad. This happens often. The actor was a middle aged man. Divorced with a twelve year old daughter who he saw on the weekends. Even though he was a great man, he constantly doubted himself. He tried really hard to make the right choices but was never truly happy with how his life had ended up.

I don't know if that's exactly how my dad felt about himself, but I think it was close. The camera showed lots of closeups of this actor. He even had the same wrinkles and lines under his eyes as my dad did. In a strange way it brought me comfort. I felt like I was able to see a close up of my dad's face again. Sometimes I can close my eyes and picture exactly what his hands looked like.

There have been so many times I've wished I could do it all over again. He needed so much love. Sometimes that overwhelmed me. Most of the time I had a negative perspective, viewing him as selfish, which pushed me away from showing him how much I really loved him and how close I wanted him to be. Unfortunately I have shown more compassion and love to strangers than my own family. Showing grace and forgiveness is what keeps our hearts in constant connection.

I know I can't turn back the clock. I'll never get the chance to love him again. No other relationship could replace it. But I have learned to value the relationships I do have. As a wife, I keep in mind that my relationship with Aaron is more important than the issue. As a mother, nothing is more important to me than keeping a close relationship with my kids. As a daughter, sister, niece, etc., I enjoy my family relationships more. I appreciate the stories of their lives and who they are today. We are all humans, full shortcomings and greatness. I aim to stay focused on love, knowing that life is so very short.