Martha Mom

There is a little book I just finished reading called "Confessions of a Mother Inferior." The title is a play on "Mother Superior" in the Catholic religion who is head nun over the other nuns living in the same convent (house) together. You don't seek to become Mother Superior, you trust that if God and others see you are worthy enough, you will be voted in. But who feels like this as a mom? No one thinks, "God saw I was ready and worthy enough to be a mom, so he gave me kids." It just doesn't happen that way. You have no idea what you are doing or why you even wanted kids, you just did. So you start at ground zero and the older your kids get, the more unworthy you feel as a mom. Of course there are moments when you feel good about your mothering skills, but then another one comes along who is completely different than the others, or the older ones go through a new phase and you are thrown for another loop. So when it comes to mothering and the way most moms feel about themselves as a mom, I think Mother Inferior is perfectly appropriate. Even the way I got the book was in an inferior way. I won it at a MOPS meeting for loosing the most points at a Bonko game. I feel like mother inferior most of the time and I know I'm not alone. It's easy to see your weaknesses and carry guilt for the things you didn't do or should have done, or maybe should not have done. We have to be shown and reminded that we actually are doing a great job. But most of the time those praises don't come often or you have to wait 30 years until your kids are parents and they finally tell you what a great mom you really were.

Anyway, back to the book. I loooooved the book. It is a collection of short stories and lessons learned from a fellow mom. But when I got it, I wasn't excited. I would have rathered a candle or small bottle of lotion from Bath and Body Works, or so I thought. This particular book made me laugh, cry, think, pray, and now blog.

In one of the chapters, the author talks about the story in the Bible of Mary and Martha from Luke 10. Basically Martha was running around like a chicken with her head cut off to prepare a meal (that had to be prepared) while her sister Mary just sat and relaxed, listening to Jesus talk. Naturally, Martha got mad about it and in her frustration told Jesus to kick her sister in the butt to get her up and help. Jesus responded in a surprisingly different way than Martha expected. He told her that Mary was actually doing to better thing and basically that Martha should consider chilling out, sitting down, and listening to Jesus as well.

So how does this relate to motherhood? It happens to us as mothers all of the time. When it comes to organizing my family and house, I am driven, serious, all work and no play. If I don't take time to slow down, I have the tendency to push everyone aside. Sometimes my actions say, "Get out of my way! I'm working hard right now!" We think we are doing it for them, but it's really for us. We miss out on sitting with them, playing with them, looking them right in the face and showing them that there is no place we'd rather be. It changes everything and most of the time we have to make ourselves do it. No matter how much we love our kids, it's easy to get distracted and forget about sitting at Jesus' feet and letting our kids sit in our laps.

I say it changes everything because I think when we spend time with our kids they forget about the weaknesses we think are so obvious. Because of the pain my body is experiencing in these last few weeks of pregnancy, I am more edgy than normal. Gabe is going through an arguing stage, so lately it doesn't feel like our relationship is at an enjoyable place. Yesterday I reluctantly took Gabe by himself to buy some crocks for the summer. We argued a little on the way there and a lot in the store. I was forcing myself to stay calm and to hold his hand while we walked. I still had a little time left and some money on a Starbucks card, so we had a little date. I got my drink and he had a cookie. We sat outside in perfect weather and small-talked. We went to Dollar General after and I bought him a bug house. At some point I told him that I was sorry for yelling so much. His response shocked me. He said, "What? You never yell mommy! I don't even know what you are talking about!" WOW! Taking a little time with him erased my sin. It felt good and I'm going to work harder at being more of a Mary Mom (taking time to hear the words of Jesus so I have his love and fruit to draw from and taking time to sit and play with my kids). The chores can wait. They don't care about a clean house. They want mommy.